Halloween means a lot of different things for different people.
As a child it’s arguably the most important day of the year—procuring as much candy as possible is the main and sometimes only goal—it’s the start of sugar dependency for most kids and the genesis of their impending type two diabetes.
As a teenager, it’s an introduction to underage drinking. As a young adult, it’s a continuation of irresponsible drinking, compacted with even more poor decisions. As an actual adult, it’s about the joy you see on your child’s face as they experience the holiday for the first time. And as an even older adult, it’s about seeing the cute faces and adorable costumes as you open the door.
Different meanings for different people.
But as stated, this holiday is really for those in the 18-24 age range. The in-betweeners who are looking to find relevance in a less and less relevant holiday. For those in-betweeners, here are five things you should not do on Oct. 31.
1. Do not Trick-or-Treat
The douchiest thing you could do as a young adult is actually dress up in a costume, go house to house, knock on doorbells, and ask strangers for candy. You’re an adult, buy some candy with the money from the job you hopefully have, and leave it to the kids to ask for free cavities.
If your argument is based on not growing up too fast, the enjoyment of dressing up, and your predilection for candy, save it. Do something with people your age and leave the child’s play to the actual children.
The only excuse you have to be out and about is if you have a child of your own or you are taking your younger siblings out in place of your parents. Other than that, it’s time to hang up the candy bag for good.
2. Put a pin in the inappropriate costumes
Unless you are willing to put up with the public shame you will get with dressing in a culturally insensitive costume, it serves you best to take a lighter approach to your costume selection this Halloween.
We live in a culturally sensitive society. Halloween is not the day to push buttons and see “how far you can take it”.
So stay away from costumes that alter your skin pigmentation or make reference to any type of ethnic stereotype. Dress up as a superhero or princess and save yourself the grief from adults that have to make a crisis out of everything.
3.Ditch that one bad friend you have
Virtually everyone has that one friend. The one that always acts irresponsibly. The one that always ends up needing to be taken care of at the end of the night. The one that never seems to get it.
Do yourself a favor and do not do Halloween with that person. Let them be someone else’s burden and party with people that can hold their liquor, don’t get into fights, or cry at the end of the night.
If you are that person, do your responsible friends a favor and take Halloween off this year.
4. Drink Responsibly
Everything in moderation, including moderation. Have a beer. Take a couple of shots. But what’s the point in blacking out, throwing up all over a car and putting yourself at risk for even more harm?
Overindulging on your substances of choice is only going to end badly. The scattered memory, regretful decisions and brutal hangover are never worth it. Even if it makes for a good story.
Have fun and let loose, but listen to Oscar Wilde.
5. Don’t drink and drive
Assuming most will gleefully ignore number four, at the very least, don’t get behind the wheel after a night of getting hammered. Have a designated driver or get an Uber/Lyft. It’s one thing to put yourself in harm’s way, but it’s entirely different when you risk other lives as well.
There is no excuse for drinking and driving. And if you drive “buzzed” just know that cops don’t care, a DUI is a DUI. You are running the risk of royally screwing yourself over if you get pulled over. Do not risk it.
So don’t be a complete and total ass this Halloween and follow some of the tips.
Javier Cortez may be reached at [email protected].
