Remember when 2016 was coming to a close and all of those celebrities were dying and we all said, “OMG, I can’t wait for this year to be over so we can get to 2017 and it’ll be so much better”?
Well, 2017 is coming to a close and it’s time to look at the bright side of this piece-of-shit year. On a whole, it seems like we lost a lot less celebrities this year. However, those celebrities who didn’t die were busy raping and sexually harassing every woman that they came in contact with. In fact, it turns out there has been 45 total accusations in a recent Media Call report, not counting politicians.
Speaking of penises, if you have one, it should be inside your pants while at work unless you are using the bathroom. Can we all agree on that? I could have sworn it was that simple, but apparently not in 2017 America.
Remember in kindergarten, when you would walk down the hall and the teacher would tell you to keep your hands off the wall, off the kid next to you, off your privates and off everything? Well, that still applies in 2017. Even if your hands are still the size of a kindergartner and you happen to sit at a bigger desk than the teacher now. You can’t go around grabbing women by their privates, President Trump.
Speaking of our joke of a government, we all knew it was coming in 2017. We thought 2016 sucked because Trump won and we were dreading the inauguration. Wow, were we naïve. Little did we know that this year would be one giant fan and Russia had just elected a giant pile of crap that was going to hit it and spray doo-doo all over us. Good visual, right?
Everybody now has Trump-supporting Facebook and Twitter friends who they can no longer associate with. Our university is full of DREAMers and other classmates who come to school daily wondering if they will be back the next day, as Republicans have off and on again repealed and replaced the Obama-era Dream Act. The national anthem has become a global controversy and nobody knows if they have health care or will lose their house, car or kids by paying the new Republican taxes. The GOP pushed through a midnight version of the controversial Republican Tax Reform Bill, with handwritten notes in the margins and pet projects thrown in such as allowing drilling in the Alaskan Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
About halfway through this dumpster fire of a year, I left Facebook and Twitter. Two things happened in rather quick secession. One, I stopped feeling such a strong desire to drink vodka, get a pet bear and eat borscht—not sure where that was coming from. Possibly from Congress having over 3,000 examples of Russian advertisements used to influence American thinking in their possession. Two, I was just happier in general.
There continues to be a mass shooting almost every week—403 in 2017, according to the Mass Shooting Tracker website—and our politicians don’t care enough to do anything to stop them. We continue to have a washed up, orange, insecure former reality TV star for a president and his impending impeachment is taking way too long. But, that all bothers me way less.
Without social media, I’ve watched so many movies with my son, I’ve taken my wife on more dates, I’ve taken my family to UTEP football games (speaking of shitty years) and I’ve explored El Paso like never before.
Yes, 2017 sucked in myriad ways, but we’re still alive and this year is ending. Time goes on. It always will, as long as Kim-Jong Un, who has seen his country testing 23 long-range missiles in 2017, wants it to. Nobody can tell you how to feel.
I decided a long time ago that no matter how many people disapprove of my political affiliation, religious leanings (or lack thereof), life choices or anything else I do, I tell myself how to feel about me – because in the end, I’ll be the one in this skin when it’s wrinkly, stinky and falling off.
Don’t let a giant elephant turd of a year bring you down, peeps. Be the wolf. Wolves don’t lose sleep over the actions of sheep.
Follow Jason Green on Twitter @greenevansj
